I keep my eyes closed. I think I’m in a hospital bed, but how did I get here? “Eliza, are you awake?”
I try to move my foot. I think it moves, but I have no way to tell
The voice is familiar, but I can’t quite place it. It sounds friendly. Maybe I should open my eyes to see who is calling my name.
I slowly open one eye and then the other. The face with the voice is fuzzy, but the first thing that comes into focus is green eyes. I immediately know who is at my bedside, but I wonder why? Do I have amnesia or something?
“Don’t try to speak. You have a bruised trachea. And you were intubated in the ER. Do you remember what happened?
I wonder what he means. Do I remember why we aren’t together anymore? Oh yeah, I definitely remember walking in on him fucking my co-worker. Do I remember what led me to be in the hospital with a bruised trachea? Not exactly.
I just shake my head no–just to be safe.
“I don’t know all the details as I wasn’t there, but best I can tell is a patient attacked you while you were seeing him. Several of your co-workers saved your life by charging him and pulling him off of you. He had you by the neck and you’d had already gone unconscious”
Huh…that might be why my memory is a little fuzzy on that. It still didn’t answer the question of why Chris was here instead of oh literally anyone else. One thing about us when we were together is that we could read each other like words on a page. I guess he still can.
“Why am I here?” I nodded. “I guess you never changed your emergency contact information and someone from the hospital called me. When I realized how serious it was, I came over. I’m sorry I don’t have your parents number anymore. I tried calling your number hoping I could get into your phone that way, but I guess you’ve changed your number. And password.
Damn straight buddy. I would have been content to never see you again. And you better believe that I’ll get right on that emergency contact update. As soon as I can.
I couldn’t speak and he didn’t speak for what seemed like the longest time.
“I’m sorry for what I did to you. You deserve better than what I did. You literally saved my life–more than once– literally and figuratively. I am a piece of shit for doing what I did. But never in my life have I been the popular kid at school and you were so busy with school and.residency. When she started being friendly with me, at first I didn’t know what was happening. It was kinda like when you and I began our friendship. You were dating other people so I didn’t know that you were in to me like that. And by the time I realized what was happening with her, it was too late. I didn’t want you to have to find out like that.”
I just stared up at the ceiling. I’m guessing crying with a bruised trachea is not the best idea, but I know if I look over at him, I’ll start to cry. He may be damn near 50 years old, but he still looks like a little kid I briefly wonder if he’s still with that hussy.
He read that thought too.
“I’m not married. Or dating anyone. I don’t think that’s in the cards for me anymore. I think I missed my chance. With you. You are the one that got away.
Here’s one time I wish I could speak, but I can’t so maybe he can telepathically read my thoughts. You told me about a million times that I was the love of your life. I still have in in cards, emails and texts.. You told me I saved you… I brought you back to life.. You said all the things I wanted to hear, and you made me fall in love with you. You encouraged my dreams and goals like no one ever had. I believed you and you made me believe that we had it all when in fact, you were just like most every one else.
When things got difficult, you got out. You may not have meant to get out. I’m quite certain if I hadn’t caught you, you never would have said anything. Better to not know that you are a cheating SOB or find out by seeing it with my own eyes..
“You really were the love of my life, Eliza, and I’m so incredibly sorry I fucked it all up.
I focused my gaze anywhere but his and remained painfully still because any reaction to this I’m just not sure I could control.
The Killers: Be Still