Well, this is just fucking fantastic. As soon as I landed on USA soil, my phone started going crazy with notifications. I had 7 voice mails from Chris and about 10 texts. The last one saying “I guess you are done with me but I’m going to give it one last shot. I’ll call you tonight, the 27th at 6p, and if you don’t answer, I guess that’s my answer.”
Well, fuck me. Perhaps if I had gotten this message or any other messages a little earlier, I would not have gone off the rails and fucked my way across Europe. Alas, what’s done is done, and perhaps against my better judgment, I agreed to listen to what Chris has to say. That is –if he calls.
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Here’s the story as it was relayed to me. Chris attempted suicide on NYE. While I was living it up at Hogmanay in Edinburgh. The next few days while I was in Chamonix, Chris was fighting for his life in ICU. While I was traipsing across Central and Eastern Europe, Chris was entering a treatment center for alcohol and drug use. I mean that’s probably what he needs. And therapy. Lots of therapy. He hasn’t been the same since his sister died, but I don’t know that I can be the one to fix him. I mean I know that I can’t, but also I don’t like giving up on people I care about.
I know I don’t have the healthiest coping mechanism of fleeing the country whenever I get pissed off, but it’s a hell of a lot better than using drugs and drinking myself into oblivion.
We made a tentative plan to meet on my birthday. It’s on a Sunday and IF Chris is serious about rehab [and us], he’ll have 60 days sober and a day pass –get out of jail free card, if you will. I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing because I firmly believe that a person has to choose sobriety for themselves not for anyone else, and if he’s only doing this for the possibility of us, then I don’t know if it will work. But I think 4 years of dating and 3 additional years of friendship deserves a chance.
