I don’t think I even told Chris what I had intended to tell him. After yet another on-call night fueled with sex and cocaine, I began to think this might be a little too regular occurrence when Chris hit me with the ‘well, you should see what I do when you aren’t here.’ and to be honest, I don’t know if I want to know what Chris does when I’m away.. While, I’m never one to deliver ultimatums, I did this time “stop the drugs or stop me”. Chris said all the right things. Where I was merely *enjoying* the drugs, he crossed over into dependence and addiction. And I couldn’t get my medical license revoked before I got one.
I had intended to tell Chris that I was going to Europe before I started classes. I needed a medical break before essentially giving my next 7 years of life over to medicine, but we fought, and I left, and I never told Chris that I was headed to Scotland.
New Year’s Eve in Edinburgh
I stepped off the train at Waverley Station in Edinburg and the cold hit me. I knew Scotland in December would be cold, but it’s hard to prepare for something you’ve never experienced. And a Scottish December is something I’ve never experienced. I grabbed my bag and made my way to my guesthouse. Due to the argument, I never got around to telling Chris that I wanted to spend New Year’s Eve somewhere New, and after I read about Hogmanay, I knew that I had to experience it for myself. Chris didn’t like large crowds or loud noises, but I wasn’t afraid of going somewhere new alone But I didn’t answer when he called, and he didn’t answer when I called back, and pretty soon, neither of us bothered to try anymore.
The city was alive with laughter, music, and the flickering lights of stalls selling everything from hot chocolate to mulled wine to traditional Scottish fare. Yet, despite the joyful atmosphere, a twinge of anxiety clung to me Something was not right, but I was determined to shake it off. As dusk fell, the city transformed into a magical wonderland. I joined the throngs of revelers and headed towards Edinburgh Castle. Bagpipe sounds filled the air and people swirled around wrapped in scarves and laughter. Without any effort on my part, I begin to feel excitement and started to vibe with the energy of the crowd.
Just as I found the perfect spot to take in the view of the castle, I noticed him—a tall, handsome stranger with tousled dark hair and an easy smile. He was chatting animatedly with friends, laughter lighting up his face. For a moment, their eyes met, and I felt an unexpected flutter in her stomach. I hadn’t felt that flutter since I ran into Chris.
“Looks like it’s going to be a fantastic night,” he said, turning to her as if sensing my gaze. “I’m James, but my friends call me Jamie.. You’re here for Hogmanay?”
“ElizaMarie” I replied, forcing a smile. “Yeah, it’s my first time. It’s all a bit overwhelming, isn’t it?”
“It’s magical,” Jamie said, his eyes twinkling. “You’ll love it. Do you want to join us? We’re just about to grab some mulled wine.”
I hesitated. The warmth in his invitation was inviting, but thoughts of Chris tugged at me.. “I… um, I’m not sure,” I stammered.
“Totally understand,” Jamie said, his smile softening. “No pressure. If you change your mind, we’ll be over there.” He nodded toward a nearby stall before stepping back to rejoin his friends.
As the countdown to midnight began, I felt a mix of excitement and dread. The vibrant energy of the crowd around her pulled at me yet something was definitely wrong., I sent Chris a quick WhatsApp message ‘happy new year. I hope you find peace.’ I saw that it had been delivered, but not yet read when I put my phone away. As the final seconds ticked down, I couldn’t shake the thought of Jamie and his easy charm.
“Five… four… three…” The crowd began to chant, and I got swept up in the moment.
“Two… one!” The air exploded with fireworks, painting the sky in brilliant colors. Cheers erupted, and I felt a rush of exhilaration.
After the fireworks faded, Jamie came up next to me.. “That was incredible, right?” he said, his voice full of excitement.
“It really was,” I admitted, my heart racing. “But… I’m not really looking to get involved right now. I’m starting graduate school in the US soon”
“I get it,” he said, disappointment flashing across his face. “But it doesn’t have to be anything serious. Just a chance to enjoy the night together.”
“Sure, why not? It doesn’t have to be anything serious.”
Jamie’s expression softened. “I understand. We can just talk, or enjoy the night without any expectations. I promise I won’t push. Let’s just enjoy it.”
We spent the evening walking through the festive streets, sipping mulled wine and sharing stories. Jamie’s laughter was infectious, and slowly, the weight of the past began to lift. With each moment, I felt a glimmer of hope, realizing that perhaps not all connections had to lead to heartache.
As the night wore on, we found ourselves at a quiet spot overlooking the city. The twinkling lights below mirrored the stars above, and the atmosphere felt intimate and safe.
“I’m really glad you decided to hang out with me,” Jamie said, looking out at the view. “This night wouldn’t be the same without you.”
“I’m glad too. It’s nice to feel… free, even if just for a moment.”
“Whatever happens, I’m here for the night,” Jamie said, his tone sincere. “No pressure. Just two people enjoying Hogmanay.”
Jamie walked me back to my guesthouse and I invited him in for tea. “just two people enjoying Hogmanay.” I repeated. Still no ping from Chris, and with Jamie across from me, I forgot all about what may or may not be waiting for me.
