Saturdays. Work in health care are just regular work days.
January 01
On a Wednesday, in a a cafe, I watched it Begin Again.
Like every year before it, the calendar flips to a new year on January 1. Unlike, years previously, I was off work and had the opportunity to go on a New Year’s hike and enjoy a cup of hot tea after such a hike.
Mental Health in the Peace Corps
As a psychiatric nurse practitioner in training (circa 2024), I am *somewhat* qualified to talk on this topic. Even back while I was in the Peace Corps, I had some experience working in mental health as a psychiatric RN having graduated in 2017 with my Bachelors of Science in Nursing. So professionally, I had a clue. Personally, however, I had never experienced anything more than “stage fright” aka performance anxiety related to public speaking/ giving presentations/ drama club, etc., Who I am to talk about mental health in the Peace Corps.
So statistically speaking, mental health disorders affect a shit ton of people each year, and as you can imagine some of those people are Peace Corps Volunteers. I’ve wanted to talk about this issue for some time now, but until I’d been in the Peace Corps, and more importantly OUT of the Peace Corps, I didn’t really feel qualified to speak on the topic. But here I am, 6 months shy of having a whole-ass doctorate degree in Psychiatric Mental Health. I can confidently say I’ve learned some things.
WHAT IS MENTAL HEALTH?
According to MentalHealth.gov, “Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.” The Mayo Clinic says that mental health illnesses include depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, eating disorders, and addictive behaviors (to name a few). However, psychiatric disorders are not the same as medical diseases. Some doctors argue that the term ‘mental illness’ may be misleading because mental disorders are simply descriptions of observations as opposed to physical illnesses. Anxiety doesn’t show up on a blood test. An x-ray of someone with depression looks the same as the x-ray of someone without. There is no urine test that can diagnose anorexia, and someone with alcoholism doesn’t have a brain tumor to explain his or her addiction. Mental health rarely leaves physical signs, but that is why it is so sneaky. And it’s just as dangerous as a physical illness.
MY HISTORY WITH MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS
I have never been clinically diagnosed or taken medications for any mental health problems which means on PC forms I’m not lying when I say ‘I’ve never been diagnosed with ________”. However, I do have a reasonably traumatic personal history from earlier in life which I dealt with most of my life by avoiding it <——– [not the best way in life or in Peace Corps]. I’m reasonably self-aware so I’ve been able to straight up avoid a lot of situations that would cause me personal distress.
I’ve never been one to suffer with depression or anxiety –other than in situational circumstances.
My emotional support #notaPCpet rodent control some times house mate
PEACE CORPS’ APPROACH TO MENTAL HEALTH
Mental Health is something that PCVs become very aware of during their service. If not because of PC staff constantly reminding us, then because we deal with struggles in-country that we never faced in the States. Living in isolation from friends and family, in a village without constant electricity, running water, indoor plumbing, and Internet, where you most likely don’t speak the language of those around you, and witnessing racism, poverty, and abuse (and sometimes being subject to those things), can all take a toll on the psyche. Without proper coping mechanisms, PCVs can develop anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Some volunteers even develop addictions to cigarettes or alcohol as a way to cope with these newfound struggles.
Apparently, Peace Corps’ approach to mental health as changed a lot in the 21st century. PC staff is now very hands-on in ensuring that every volunteer is mentally healthy and stable. During PST, PC medical staff holds sessions to teach PCVs warning signs of mental health problems and healthy coping mechanisms. In fact, medical comes to every training, even one year into service, to reiterate these lessons. Peace Corps has a psychiatrist on staff who meets with volunteers who are struggling at site. She also works with PCVs who have experienced assault and/or trauma. The PC psychiatrist serves all Southern African countries (she counsels PCVs over the phone or Skype if they are too far away to meet in person) but luckily for PCSA, she is based out of the Pretoria office. Another way that PCSA helps with the struggles of service is through the Peer Support Network, a committee made up of two currently serving PCVs from each cohort who are available for additional support (much like an RA in college). They are given extra money each month to buy airtime to call other PCVs, and they also help medical staff at our trainings. They also work with diversity in PC, specifically how diversity affects the PC experience (i.e. race, gender, age, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, etc.) During PST, each trainee is assigned a PSA member as his or her “mentor” of sorts, to help with the transition to village life.
Dr. Elite’s wise words or wisdom for mental and physical health
When applying to Peace Corps, PC Medical in Washington goes through your personal medical history with a fine-toothed comb. In addition to a myriad of doctor’s appointments, PC also wants a record of every medicine you’ve ever been prescribed. If you report any history of mental health issues (which you must if you want to continue on medication) they require even more information. Despite PC’s hesitation to accept volunteers with mental health problems, I think having health with some of these things before is a good thing and can enhance a Peace Corps’ experience. The coping mechanisms I developed over the years are easily transferred to coping with my new living and working situation. I cannot tell you how many PCVs have developed anxiety in-country and have been put on anti-anxiety medication by medical staff. Not only are they trying to adjust to life in a rural village, they now have to learn to live with a giant cloud of anxiety over their head.
My only issue with PC’s approach to supporting mental health is the limit on therapy sessions. Med staff only approves 3-6 visits to the PC psychiatrist before they reevaluate your mental health and have to decide if you are mentally fit to serve. In their opinion, if you are still struggling at site after 6 sessions, more sessions aren’t going to help. In my opinion, ongoing therapy sessions aren’t a sign of weakness, but rather, strength. I believe I could see the PC therapist once a month and still be a successful volunteer. I understand their concern that therapy sessions take the volunteer away from their work at site, but I don’t think one meeting a month would be detrimental to success.As someone training in the administration of psychiatric medications and *some* forms of therapy, I wish the PC had the option available for people to have mental health check ins in a totally unbiased manner, but alas that is not the world we live in. Not in the Peace Corps and certainly not in the US Health care system.
Instant serotonin and dopamine booster for me. Ignore that look on my face because this was ice-cold
FAT. BEAR. WEEK. The fattest bears at Katmai
Usually, sometime around the middle of September all I can talk about are the bears of Katmai. Sadly, for all my friends bear talk started in July and never really stopped. Every year since 2014 Katmai National Park and Explore.org has hosted fat bear week. Ok, back in 2014 it was just Fat Bear Tuesday. However, from 2015 on, it’s been a full week of bear bliss.
My sweet Oatie Bear [RIP] is a 4x and lifetime achievement winner, Beadnose [RIP] was massive when she won in 2015 and 2018.. Holly is another fat bear champion [2019]. 747 aka Colbert aka Bear Force One is another gentle giant 2x winner [2020 and 2022]. In reality, it’s a fun contest raising awareness of the Alaskan Coastal Brown Bear. All bears that get fat and survive the winter are fat bear champs in my mind.
The even have fat bear junior bracket for all the little cubbies just learning to be big bears
During an Alaskan winter, these big bears lose up to a third of their mass during hibernation making it crucial for them to fatten. up during the summer. Last year’s salmon run was sort of pathetic leading to a lot of bear fight and some not so plump bears heading in to winter. This year’s salmon run was nothing short of spectacular and we had so many fat bears and even better fat cubs.
Every year, the first Tuesday of October is known as Fat Bear Tuesday. Although this year it fell on October 8th, FBT occurs when Katmai’s fattest bear is crowned. Fans from all over the world vote on Explore.org’s website. And the winner is—GRAZER!!! She’s a two time champ defending her 2023 title this time being the first bear to ever win FBW with a spring cub in tow, Grazer is mama bear personified.
So many fat bears
And since we are humans and we assign human emotions to animals, think on this. Grazer beat Chunk to win the fat bear title. During the summer, Grazer’s smallest spring cub went over the falls and directly in the path of Chuck. Chunk did what bears do and Grazer did what mama bears do. There was a fight. And while Grazer saved her littlest cub that day, it died about a week later. Grazer said ‘Fuck you, Chunky Bear’ and took her remaining cub on a walkabout and both Grazer and the cub got FAT. Fat enough to beat Chunk in a head to head match-up of Fat Bears.
Hell hath no fury like a hurricane named Helene
When I went to bed on Thursday, September 27, 2024, I had no idea how much life would change over the next few weeks. As a native South Carolinian, I’m no stranger to wind, an occasional tornado, and lots of rain associated with hurricanes. I’m located approximately 150 miles from the SC coast. Most hurricanes weaken significantly over land and such was expected with Helene.
However, Helene didn’t get the memo to do what she should have done and normally hurricane safe areas like Augusta, GA, Greenville, SC, and Asheville, NC took the brunt of this storm. As of today Sunday, October 6, 2024, a full 9 days after the storm, I still don’t have power. Or running water. Or flushing toilets. In the grand scheme of things, I’m OK, the kitties are OK, and the house is OK. There is a lot of property damage and probably close to 100 trees down, but all the work this summer of tree maintenance really paid off.
It was even worse in North Carolina as all the rain caused mudslides and rock slides in addition to the flooding by rivers overflowing their banks. Interstate 40 between North Carolina and Tennessee is gone. It just fell into the Pigeon River and it’s a universe miracle that no one was actually on the part that fell into the water. Two weeks later, transportation officials are estimating that it *should* be restored by 2028! As someone who drives to Knoxville, on a some-what regular basis, this makes my commute nearly twice as long. So that sucks.
A lot of coworker and friends have made regular trips to Asheville area, myself included. The damage is catastrophic. Words like that are used a lot in the quest for sensational journalism, but actual towns are gone. Rushing water [24 inches in 2 days!} bent sSteel beams holding bridges up got mangled by rushing water.
We’ve gotten a lot of assistance from the National Guard. I’ve seen linemen from Canada working on my road to cut away trees, rebuild substations, and restring. electrical lines. Who knows when the lights will come back on. Despite everything that has happened over the last week, I’m still grateful that it wasn’t worse for me.
August.
A lot going on at the moment
Air miles:19,779
Train miles: 836
Auto miles:~1478
Boat miles: about 60
Foot miles: Approximately 38 as measured by Apple Watch
Since August 1, I saw the most popular concert in my lifetime. {It was amazing.} I made and traded friendship bracelets with strangers/ new friends. {So much fun and really cool to see international Swifties come up with some neat ideas–My favorite Je suis Calme.} It was a whirlwind of transportation {planes USA –> Canada –> Switzerland –> Germany –> Poland–> Germany–> USA] and everything aligned just perfectly to get me to Poland and back in time to take a final exam–wait what?!?. Yeah, right in the middle of all this chaos I had a final exam on Aug 5.
After seeing Taylor in Warsaw on August 3, I high-tailed it back to South Carolina in order to sit for my Psychopharmacology Final. (That I won a silver medal in. In honor of the Olympics, I’ve decided to rename grades Gold, Silver, and Bronze because anything less than 82.9 on any exam., final, or class is my one way ticket out of the program. 9 more months…9 months to go until graduation)
After that emotional weekend, I hit a Trauma-Informed Care conference (required training), and then a different whirlwind in a different direction. Off to Alaska. To see the bears I’ve loved since 2014. Sadly no Otis, but still BEARS! Big giant brown bears. So close I could almost touch one. (I didn’t; I know better, even though I don’t act like it most of the time).
It’s all still so overwhelming–seeing two things in three weeks that I often wondered if I’d ever see. Personally, I feel like I’ve turned a corner. Breaking up with a long term partner is never easy. Even if it is the right thing to do. Even if the reasons make sense. When you have loved a person, faults and all, and then that person is no longer in your life, it’s human nature to feel like a failure. I’ve experience a lot of loss and misdirection in the last two years, but I finally feel like I’m back on track. Thanks to the bears at Katmai and songs from the one and only Taylor Swift.
International Meet-cute
International meet-cute
“Is this seat open?” The handsome stranger asked in accented English. I made an exception to the ‘don’t talk to strangers rule’. I’m a lot better at being open when I’m 8000 miles from home as opposed to being in my own town.
“Yes”. I replied as he sat down.
“Do you know those people?” He was referring to the three people in my group of 7 who pitched a total fit about sleeping arrangements.
“No. I only joined the group this afternoon. I don’t even know their names.”
A scheduling snafu, or perhaps this is how it’s always done, had me sleeping in a tent with two guys. One–from Hong Kong, who barely spoke English, and the second–the handsome stranger with the accented English who was my current dining companion.
We started chatting, the way travelers do when they first meet someone. “Where are you from?” [Me: the United States; Him: Italy, Milan specifcally]. What do you do when you aren’t traveling? [Me: I’m a RN; Him: journalist] Why are you in Kenya [Me: to teach; him: to explore]. Verbal parrying continued, each trying to suss out whether the other person would make an interesting companion past tonight’s dinner.
Dining Companions
Dinner was a simple meal; white rice and a meat stew on top. I’ve learned not to ask what “kind” of meat is in meat stew. Most often, it’s goat, or chola in Kenya, and while I’ll not be eating any goat in the US, when in Kenya….
After dinner we leave the communal dining room together. Despite the long travel day and our early morning start tomorrow, I’m not quite ready to turn in. I notice you following me to the bonfire. I’m a sucker for a bonfire. Any bonfire. Any where.
After the sun sets, it’s surprisingly chilly. After nearly a month in this country, the nighttime chill shouldn’t surprise me. Yet, it does. Every time. “I’m going to run and get my jacket.” I say to no one in particular, but especially to you so that you won’t leave.
I run back to our shared tent, which seems a lot more intimate than it is, and grab my flannel shirt. That’s what’s been serving as a ‘jacket’ these last few chilly days., and run back out to the bonfire. You are writing in your journal as I quietly take a seat opposite from you. I stare into the fire, somewhat lost in thought, when you blurt out, “What do you think of the state of the world right now?”
Borrowing a line from Harry Potter, I reply, ‘The whole world’s gone topsy-turvy.’ I hope that satisfies you, because the truth of it is, I don’t enjoy discussing politics. Or religion. People generally have forgotten how to have intelligent discourse and disagree without resorting to personal attacks.
“Do you know who the prime minister of Italy is?” he asked.
“I do. Her name in Meloni. Georgia, or something like that.” I can tell you’re impressed. I didn’t volunteer that I’d only just learned that recently due to a listening to podcast. “Most Americans don’t know that” you replied.
“Most Americans don’t know who their own representatives are” I countered.
“You’re not like most Americans” you assess with certainty although we’ve only known each other about 3 hours.
“Well, I try”
Things suddenly got serious. “Well, I don’t know many Italians to compare you to. Italian-Americans, maybe, but actual Italians, not so much.”
You laugh. “What is it with Americans claiming to be “something”-American. No other country does that.”
Now, it’s my turn to laugh. ‘I have no idea. My European ancestors literally came over on the Mayflower 400 years ago. And they were from the UK. I don’t go around saying ‘I’m British-American'”
You laugh again.
The Conversation Turns Serious
“Do you have on-line dating in Italy? Like Tinder?” I don’t know why I ask this.
“Yes. Of course. Why? Are you on it?
“Me? No.”
“Why not?” you ask.
“Well, I was in a relationship for a really long time and now I’m not. But picking someone out and ‘adding to cart’ like an Amazon purchase seems like the wrong way to go about meeting a potential partner. Besides people are superficial. Especially online. No one takes the time to get to know anyone anymore.”
“You mean like this” you ask.
“Yes. Exactly like this. No one in America has time for hours long dinners that lead to chatting around a bonfire for two hours. It’s go-go-go. All the time. And, besides, I don’t like small talk.”
“So what do you like to talk about, then”
“oh you know, ones hopes and dreams and fears. Goals in life. And bears”
“Bears?” you ask questioningly.
“Specifically the coastal Alaskan brown bear. And even more specifically, a bear named Otis” I reply.
You laugh.
“Well tell me about Otis” you say.
And I do. At length. At times, I wonder if I’m following the unwritten dating rules. Or is this an exception since this isn’t really a date. I decided to go with exception and talk way too much about Otis. And Pete. I do not mention my ex. No matter the situation, that’s definitely not an exception. You talk about Italy. And Ukraine. And South Sudan, You avoid mentioning other humans.
Somehow it’s midnight and the fire has almost burned out.
“I suppose we should get some sleep. We’ve got an early start.” I say to myself. And you.. As we walk back to our tent, I feel your hand brush against mine.
A Truly Magical Day
Who the fuck puts on make-up for a safari I thought as I carefully applied eyeshadow. Wait scratch that–Who the fuck BRINGS make-up on a safari. Apparently I do. If this isn’t some irony. A person who rarely wears make in the everyday life is putting on make-up to go on a safari.
Safari ready, make-up and all.
Shortly after our breakfast of beans and toast, we loaded up into our (separate) safari jeeps and set off to chase animals around Amboseli National Park.
It was amazing.
So many elephants.
And flamingos.
And some hippos.
I saw hundreds of zebras.
And giraffes.
I even saw the one animal I really wanted to see
After the safari was over we met back at the campsite and compared stories and animal sightings over dinner. You said it was cute how excited I got over seeing a lion for the first time.
“Better than seeing Otis” you joked. “Only because I’ve never actually seen Otis in person I replied”
“Come with me. I want to show you something even better than Otis. And lions.”
We walk outside, and the full moon is rising over snow-capped Mt. Kilimanjaro. It was an awe inspiring sight.
“I know you said you don’t kiss strangers, but I’ll hope you’ll make an exception. Besides we’re not really strangers anymore, are we? We’ve known each other exactly 26 hours.”
And standing there, in the shadow of Kilimanjaro, with the full moon shining overhead, you kiss me. And then we walk hand in hand back to our shared tent.
Finding your way back to Rome
“They” say if you toss a coin in the fountain, you’ll guarantee your return to Rome.
Everything you ever wanted to know about that famous Roman fountain, including a guaranteed way to get back to Rome… and then some
How did that famous fountain get its name?
The Trevi Fountain stands at the junction of three roads, ceremoniously marking the end point of one of Rome’s earliest aqueducts, Aqua Virgo. It’s location led to it’s rather literal name- Fontana di Trevi means Three Street Fountain. It’s believed the name was derived from the Latin word trivium, which as you might have guessed, means three streets.
History and stuff
Trevi fountain has not always been spectacular. In 1629, Pope Urban VIII was unimpressed with the earlier version of the fountain, claiming it lacked drama. The Pope asked prominent architect and artist, Gian Lorenzo Bernini to design possible renovations for the fountain. The renovations were never completed though, as the project was abandoned when Pope Urban died. Fast forward to 1730 when Pope Clement XII organized a contest with the winner of this contest being commissioned to redesign the Trevi Fountain. The original winner was Alessandro Galilei, but Romans were outraged that a Florentine had been chosen. To silence the outcry, the second place contestant, Nicola Salvi, was awarded the commission. [Rome and Florence always seem to be testy with each other].
Salvi soon began designing the new fountain around the theme “Taming of the Waters”. Construction began in 1732, with Palazzo Poli serving as a backdrop. The fountain’s facade and sea reef were made from travertine, a form of limestone deposited by mineral springs. The statues were carved from Carrara marble. Unfortunately Salvi would not live to see completion of his masterpiece. After his death in 1751, Giuseppe Pannini took charge of the project, completing the fountain in 1762. The finished fountain would be the largest Baroque fountain in the city- 26.3 meters high and 49.15 meters wide.
Want to get back to Rome & What happens to all that money?
Legend has it that if you turn around and toss a penny [eurocent?] into the Trevi Fountain, you’ll find your way back to Rome. Who am I to argue with a legend?
When I travel, I like to do all the fun little rituals that promise everything from good luck to falling in love. So like custom dictates, I turned my back to the water and using my right hand, tossed a coin over my left shoulder. There… now I have guaranteed I’ll be finding my way back to Rome at some point in the future! Legend holds, that if you toss in a second coin you’ll fall in love with an Italian. I’ve even heard that throwing in three coins means you will marry an Italian.
Let’s just say I only tossed one coin in the fountain. Falling in love is the last thing I need in my life right now… especially a long distance, international affair.
With all that coin tossing, there is a lot of money that ends up in the fountain! Every night about 3,000 Euros are swept up from the bottom of the basin. The money is donated to Caritas, a catholic charity, who uses the money to provide services for needy families in Rome. Some of the money is used to subsidize a low cost supermarket. So at least you know that Eurocents are going to support a good cause.